How do you murder a relationship?
Be a stalker. . . and I am not just talking someone who looks through all your Facebook photos for pictures of previous relationship partners. I am talking legit stalking. Creep on her Facebook, Twitter, Google+ at least one hour every day. Show up at her house unannounced at random hours of the night. Find out where she is according to foursquare, or when she isn’t looking get ahold of her phone and put the GPS photo tracking on. Steal her mail. Or get caught looking through her private stuff. Women always admire when a guy walks off with their panties, dirty photos, or vibrators. I mean, who wouldn’t love that? Oh, another one that I can personally account for: Sending them obnoxious overpriced gifts in an effort to buy their love. And finally do nothing but tweet about your girlfriend all the time to the point that your boys will call you out on that shit.
If or when you’re having sex be sure to stare at her in the eyes the entire time. Tell her just how much you love cuddling after, and that all you want to do is hold your sweaty body against her the rest of the night. That one will off a relationship faster than anyone in Casino or Goodfellas.
Or just tell them that you love them only 2 months into a relationship. I guarantee that one will get you negative points and kill off any chance that it may evolve into something more. Yeah. . . about that one. . .
You know what? Just get yourself a hooker and tell her already!
bad kisses. bad attitude. not smiling. not sharing. stupid jokes. stupid pet names. smarmy laugh. weird smell. lack of focus. lack of conversation. lack of flowers (d**k). drinking problem. silly decisions. their inept friends. overall demeanor towards your friends. a noticeable, unsettling flirtation towards others. unathletic when necessary. crying. poor movie choices. poor clothing choices. temper tantrums. tries too hard, and not where it counts. doesn’t finish projects. snorts … and not in an adorable way. tribal tattoos. questionable ethics. doesn’t like lou malnati’s (get out while you can).
The death of a relationship can be defined by two simple actions, too much or too little tact. Most liaisons are ended with the knowledge they are on the outs, at least for one party. Don’t lie to them and don’t lie to yourself.
… got a problem? make your own list, that way you know what to do and not to. it’ll help you on the path to doing it right or wrong … your choice.