Do I sleep with my friend’s boyfriend who is the man of my dreams?

I've had this guy friend for about 2 years now, we've always had a sort of sexual tension and flirtation but never did anything about it. Then about 8 months ago he started to date my best friend. And for about 5 weeks now we've been flirting quite heavily and have been talking about doing some stuff...Ive asked him about him being in a relationship and how the two of us will never work and he just simply replied with 'don't tell her. Its our secret'. How do I proceed from here? I don't want to lose my best friend, but yet I don't want to lose the guy of my dreams. - Kristine C. from Chicago, IL


Guy of your dreams?!?!?! Let’s rewind to the part where this duder is telling you to keep your best friend (who happens to be dating said duder) in the dark about your hook-ups and feelings for each other.  Would you honestly want to bring this guy home to your parents?  “Kristine! He’s such a nice boy! So how did you two meet anyways?!”…and your reply?  “Well Mom, I was boning him behind (insert bff’s name)’s back while they were dating for almost a year.  We decided not to say anything to her because it was ‘our little secret’.  But I’m totally confident now that WE’RE together, that he would NEVER do anything like that again…isn’t that right honey?” (camera pans to duder who’s sexting with one of your other good friends) “Um, uh, yeahhhhh…that was TOTALLY a one time thing babe…right, that’s it…”

Although that example might be a little exaggerated, it’s really not that far from the truth.  This guy wants his cake and to eat it too.  Although he may really like your best friend, he’s A) obviously not ready for any type of committment since he’s trying to jump your bones at the same time, B) a total skeeze that probably does this to every girl he’s “dating”, and C) someone you should never EVER consider being your dream guy…EVERRRR! Plus, you don’t wanna be “that girl” that was cheating with the guy who was cheating on YOUR best friend! Come on now! If your friend means anything to you, then you would seriously reconsider all of this.

Here’s my advice on what you should do:

Since nothing physical has happened yet (I really hope it hasn’t), you should mention to your friend that this guy is making passes at you and that you really don’t think he’s right for her.  Obviously she’ll question you ad naseum about it, but just be honest…to an extent.  You can tell her he’s been sending you redick texts and this and that, but mayyybe leave out the part about you even thinking about capitalizing on her unawareness to the sitchu.  Cut off all ties to this scumbag, save your friendship with your BFF and move on.  Trust me, there are plenty of dudes out there that are much “dreamier” than this asshat…especially ones that won’t sneak behind you or your friends’ backs trying to hook up with everyone.

Good luck! 😀

Duuuuuude, c’mon! This is classic douchebag stuff you’re looking at here. The “don’t tell her, it’s our secret” game. If he’s willing to do this to your best friend, you really think he’s gonna be faithful to you if you do start seeing him? BUT, none of that matters right now because there’s a certain thrill and excitement in sneaking around, and you are TOTALLY getting off on it. Guarantee you he is too. Dude’s probably rubbed a couple out just thinking about you. Which, if you doubt my advice on this, go ahead, ask him. I want to know what he says!

Here’s the thing though, right now you’re only thinking with your penis. Yes, I know you’re a chick, but saying you’re thinking with your clit just sounds really, really weird. So, you’re thinking with your dick and you are purely caught up in the hot, sweaty, sexual, throw-you-up-against-a-wall-and-rip-your-clothes-off kind of mentality. Which, is cool for right now, but not enough to lose a best friend over WHEN it’s not going to work anyway. In fact, you and I, right here, let’s play this little situation out together.

Scenario: You bang this dude…and it’s awesome!

You guys sneak around for a little bit until your friend finds out.
THAT is going to be the fun part. There’s no denying it, that aspect of keeping it a secret has an sex drive of it’s own. It’s like bonus miles to the sex drive you’re already revving at 4,000 RPMs. But, she’s going to find out…and YOU are going to be branded a whore and a piece of shit. Which, let’s face it, you are at that point. You’re a back-stabbing, untrustworthy, downright shitty friend…not even friend, you’d be shitty even as an acquaintance.

It become public knowledge.
And the thrill is gone! Now, instead of all this sneaking around, you’re free to just be together. You don’t have to hide it. You can hold hands, go to the movies, the mall…the world is yours. And it’s going to get real lame, real fast. These kind of relationships don’t work out because you’ll never match that thrill you had at the beginning. It really is all downhill from there. You’ll never be able to match that high again with that person. It becomes like a drug and the only way to get it back…is to do it again. So either he’s going to do it to you again, or you’re going to do it to him.

Trust is gone.
Once she finds out, everybody is going to find out. Some people may stick by you and be that whole “oh, well hey, we’re just happy you’re happy” but in the back of their minds, you’re already just shit to them and they’ll never trust you again. Especially like other female friends, they won’t trust their guys around you anymore. And your guy friends, well they’re going to think if you can stoop that low, that they’ve got a chance to stick it in you too.

You get herpes.
Many people don’t know that herpes isn’t actually sexually transmitted. It’s transmitted through karma, and in this kind of situation, you’re do for a double batch. Genital AND anal herp. Enjoy THAT.

You guys break up.
It’s going to happen. This is inevitable for this kind of situation. It will not last. As much as you want to sit there reading this thinking, “no, JoE doesn’t know what he’s talking about, ours is different than anybody else’s”…BULL SHIT! All you’re going to do is lose a friend, label yourself a whore and get the herp. The guy…he’s in the clear. He’s a guy, it’s “what we do” per sé. You, you’re going to get the worst end of it all.

Here’s the thing though, I feel like at this point, you’re already too far vested and you’re not going to take our advice. You wrote in as an attempt to feel like a better person, but you’ve already got your mind made up. The texts aren’t going to stop, and it’s going to lead up to you making some sex on this guy and screwing over your friend. All I ask is that when shit blows up down the road and EVERYTHING I wrote up above comes trues…just, ya know, come back…leave a little comment on here to let me know I was right.