How do I deal with the inappropriate behavior of my boyfriend’s friend?

How do I tell my BF that I'm uncomfortable with a female friend's (to me) innapropriate behavior without being labeled as controlling or untrusting? - Kit from Chicago, IL

There is no way to put it lightly, this is a text book example of “I’ve got good news … I’ve got bad news …”

The good news is you’re not wrong for questioning the behavior of those around your boyfriend. Jealousy, while all too often abused, is merely a sign of commitment. Used properly, it can show your significant other just how much you care. Thinking long term, the approach and eventual dealing with of this issue can actually save you from this problem later on. Please don’t misconstrue what I’m saying as an excuse to be a freak about the it. If the words “But remember, we talked about it and agreed that ….” come out of your mouth you’ve crossed the line of playing it cool, so steer clear of that.

Honestly, no matter which way the discussion swings, there is very little chance of everyone coming out unscathed at the end. That doesn’t mean there’s going to a blow out, it just means there could be one.


Alrite, I get it…you’re a little insecure, a little jealous, a little worried (not untrusting, but worried)…I get it.  And all of that makes perfect sense, you’re allowed to feel those things.  But what you really need to do here is let your BF know that it’s not a matter of you trusting HIM…because you trust him completely (of course you don’t, but he should think you do)…it’s a matter of you trusting HER!  That’s the key component right there.  You don’t know what her intentions are, or you think that because you’re a girl you do know what her intentions are and you don’t like it.  And why should you like it?  If she was half the woman you are, she would’ve nabbed him first (see, right there, that’s a confidence booster).

We all need someone else to flirt with, that’s just the way of life.  Innocent flirting with others is what keeps you from feeling trapped in your own relationship.  You have to have that feeling of “I’m desirable to others” so that you’re not insecure and go cheat to prove it.  Which is why I once again stress that it’s HER – that’s who the problem is with…not your BF.  Tell him that…tell him you understand flirting, you understand being attracted to others, you understand all that.  What you don’t understand is why she doesn’t understand that you’re the woman in his life.  And if she doesn’t respect that, then you’re not going to respect her.  It’s not a matter of chasing his friends away, but she should be buddying up to you, not to him.  If she wants to stick around and hope to be the skanky rebound, that’s fine….but she’s gonna be waiting a long time, cause you rarely miss a shot!

I agree with Barbie that jealousy is a sign of commitment…and sometimes it’s hot as a guy to hear that your girlfriend gets jealous.  Cause, let’s be honest…guys are the lucky ones…it’s the woman who are the catch – we should be so grateful that a girl would be jealous of us.

If all else fails….give him the hump of his life…I guarantee that Ms. Inappropriate Cricket Crotch isn’t going to be able to do that for him.  Leave your mark!

Once again, don’t listen to me!

VC


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