How do I get rid of a guy?
I am going to be straight forward here. And only because if I avoid asking this question, I am pretty sure the problem may never be resolved. Whittney, have you ever slept with this guy? I only ask, because when sex gets involved, it tends to cause a lot of problems. Some people view sex as a person giving themselves entirely to whomever they are sleeping with. Others may not even see it that way, and think it’s something that can always be considered casual. Sex can really send mixed signals and tell a person you love them. It’s a messy situation and if you did, you need to be straight forward and tell him just exactly how you feel. Be open, be honest, even if it hurts. IT NEEDS TO BE SAID!
On the other hand, I have had my fair share of stalkers, creep jobs, and people who just flat out became obsessed. I’ll explain. In high school there was a kid who I was close with for several years, we never dated, never even kissed, never did anything. We just hung out, drank, went to house parties, the movies and that sort of thing. However, men don’t always see women as friends. And when you spend time with them, they begin to equate that as you liking them. Even if it is not the case. One day when I was shopping in Hollister, a good friend approached me and asked what was going on because he was told something by this, ‘friend,’ of mine. That day I left the store furious and full of rage. It turned out he was going as far as telling people that he slept with me! And keep in mind, this entire time I had a boyfriend. When that happened, I confronted him. I told him to not speak with me, and was very blunt about it. He eventually stopped for a week or so, but one night, he found my boyfriend’s house (I have no effing clue how) and he showed up to the front door. My guy’s mom answered the door, only to have this guy throw everything from Christmas gifts to CD’s, etc, all right in her face. He told her to tell me he was sorry and that he didn’t want any of that shit anymore. After that incident, it changed things. Alarm set in, and so did common sense. I began to think, what if he had come to the house and hurt my boyfriend’s mother when throwing the items in her face? Or what if he did even more? What if violence set in? Or what if he started to stalk my every move? Or even my boyfriend’s move? I did what any normal human being did, and I called the cops. I explained what happened. The minute they got involved, it meant that I wasn’t effing around anymore. They requested he remain at bay and not call or contact me in any way shape or form… and that if he violated those terms, harassment charges would pursue along with legal action. One call from the cops and he stopped.
I had another situation with a different guy, we short term relationship… actually I can’t even label it because of how effed up it was. We hung out on a few occasions. Once again sex never even got involved, but shortly after a few casual dates (if you could call them that), he was telling me he loved me. Coinciding with this experience, I was going through some medical issues that even landed me in the hospital. I became so tied up with my own personal issues and my life (health, family, friendships, work, etc), that I just didn’t have time for a relationship of any sort. He was sending me gifts, showing up to my house, and always wanting to know my every move, and one day I just had enough. The minute I mentioned I needed to be single and fabulous (SATC reference), all hell broke loose. He started to threaten suicide, and even went as far as sending me a picture text of him with his hands on a gun. I freaked out! The minute that happened I called my friends (who were mutual friends of his), and they helped me contact the police in his village. They sent cops to his house immediately, talked him out of whatever situation he was in, and then helped him seek counseling and therapy. Since then, he’s becoming a better person, but like before, it took the assistance of the cops to get anything done. If anything had happened to him, and I didn’t do what I did, I’d feel horrible. Ok enough about me. But I just wanted to express these examples of where dating and breaking it off could go extremely wrong if something wasn’t done to change it.
Bottom line: BE HONEST WITH YOURSELF! If you’re asking how this should be handled, it’s obviously a concern!!! And one that shouldn’t be taken lightly. Make sure you do something about it as soon as you can! Immediately let your parents know your concern. If it destroys a friendship with this guy’s parents, I’m sure your parents will not want to put you in any sort of harm’s way. If they have any ounce of common sense and love for you, they will see this as a problem and do whatever it takes to ensure your safety and well-being. You have to let them know every detail of what is going on and why and when it started. Perhaps they can have a talk with his parents, or even assist you by going to the police if that is what it takes.
You MUST have your own personal safety and best interests at heart. Do the research in your state. Find out what it takes to get an order of protection, restraining order, harassment charges, etc. In many states, it takes trails of paperwork, lots of red tape to cross, and several documented incidents to get anything done about stalkers or men with mental issues that put you in harms way. Play it smart. Right from the start. (School house rock and definitely sounding like a mother here). Don’t take chances! Not with your life, your safety, and even for those around you. If you ever bother to look up cases of rape, stalking, and harassment in the news, more than half of them never have a good ending. Some even resulting in murder. I’m not trying to scare you, but only open your eyes to the reality of this world. It’s a pretty effing sick place and people aren’t always the innocent beings we make them out to be.
Ah yes…the suburban stalker! He is probably doing this because he only was with you for three weeks…he only saw the “good” of the relationship. That plays out in his mind as if things would always be that perfect…but let’s face it, they wouldn’t be. There would eventually become a point where you’d go from “flavor of the week” to being just “another girl” in his eyes. So for now, he’s obsessed with you…take it as a compliment. If you have him going crazy on the inside to the point where he is driving past your house at night…you win! Take that one to the bank. I’ve done this a few times in my life. Every time that I’ve done it, I can’t explain why I do it except that I’m “addicted” to you! You’re the drug and I’m the addict.
The good/less creepy news here, is that it will eventually get to a point where he realizes how pathetic he is being and gets over you. Oh what a sad day that will be…you will almost end up missing the nagging attention. However, to get your wish right now…don’t answer him what so ever. You have to be a complete bitch and just ignore him at all costs. He’ll eventually tire out or run out of gas.
Part of me thinks that there is a little part of you that “enjoys” that control. It’s ok if you do, it’s not an insult… It’s rare that you can control somebody’s feelings that much to where you have them doing something they despise themselves for doing. There is a certain feeling of “honor” in that. The problem is that his stalking moments cut into your mojo when you’re trying to do something else. If you were sitting at home by yourself for a night and he pulled this routine…it would at least keep the night exciting. It’s ok if you’re reading this going “no way, not me”…cause I know that’s not true. We’re all a little twisted when it comes to attention. Embrace the fact that you’ve got “it” and use that power for the greater good.
In any case…he’ll smarten up one day and find someone else to annoy. Good luck!