I have a lot of problems with my relationship but I still want it to work out. How?

I've been dating this guy for a few months now and we've dated before for over a year. It's starting to be just like our last relationship and I'm ready to run but something keeps holding me here. Blah blah blah first world problems. What the feck do I do? I can't even understand what keeps me here besides sex and the amount of time I've already invested in Rages McGee. (Sometimes I feel like Julia Roberts in Sleeping With The Enemy and at other times he makes me feel like Pretty Woman- except this guy actually wants sex for the things he buys me- which i do not endorse nor give in). Couples counseling is a little too dramatic for me, and unnecessary because we're not married nor have children. There is nothing tying us to each other but we fight a lot, he lies, and I can't let go of the stupid bs from our past relationship, yet Im still with him. Its unfair to him that i get upset about things in the past but i never mention anything unless there is a correlation with whats happening currently (same fights, broken promises, etc.) I actually want us to work out too- that's the hard part. Where does the gap between too much and just enough close? - Jane Doe from Quahog, RI

You’re not gonna like my answer on this one. Personally, why settle for anything less than amazing?! I mean, probably explains why I’m still single, but I refuse to just settle in life. I feel like a lot of people give in to “good enough”. Like, is this honestly what you want the rest of your life to be? With THIS guy?

I know you want it to work out, but there’s a certain amount of fear and naivety there. You’ve essentially been sheltered with this dude, and getting back out there again is scary. People also use the “well I’d rather see him, than just be alone” excuse. Which, yes, everybody is going to understand, but that shouldn’t be what keeps you in it. What sucks about that too, is people who hold onto that mental never really try for anything else. They pass up opportunities.

Back to this idea of the rest of your life with this guy…which, go ahead and let that sink in. The REST OF YOUR LIFE! If it’s already for shit, it’s not going to get better. People don’t change. I hate how cliché that sounds, but it’s the truth. He’s not going to become a different person. What he is, is who you’re with. And honestly, it sounds like he’s not for you.

There are so many damn people in this world. You don’t need to stick with a shitty one. Not to mention, it sounds like you’ve got a good head on your shoulders, which goes a long way and is usually rare to find in girls.

The sex is great, of course it is! There’s good times…of course they are. You got back together because it was comfortable and easy….of course it was! Well dammit, it’s time to stop settling! This is bullshit. You can’t let go of shit from the past, he’s lying, you fight a lot…just, stop. You can be rid of this shit. It’s as simple as getting those first couple words past your lips and just ending this bullshit.

It can be over today if you wanted to. Fridays are a good day to break up. Gives him the weekend to be with his friends, and you the weekend to be with your friends. Just, just f*%&in end it! I know it’s familiar, and you’re scared you won’t find someone better, probably. But really?! Finding someone better for you consists of someone who wasn’t a piece of shit to you in the past and doesn’t lie to you. Hmmm, where could you find someone like that?!

What sucks is you’re not gonna listen. You want advice, but anything I’ve said you’re going to chalk back up to “well, you don’t know OUR situation. we’re different.” UGH! Like shit you are. Re-read what you sent it. If you haven’t already had a friend tell you to get out of it, your friends need a solid smack in the face and some balls to tell you what you need to hear. The dude sounds like a piece of shit!

Now, I’m not saying overall, and not just because I don’t want your roid-raged, soon to be “exboyfriend”, after me. Fact of the matter is, if he’s pulling this shit on you, then you’re not right for him either. And THIS one is from experience. When I’m with the wrong girl, I can be shitty to her. Disrespectful, lie, even cheat. But when I’m with the right girl, and it’s a girl I have a connection with, that’s all gone. There’s no lying. No cheating. No disrespecting her. She becomes the one person I want to make smile, more than anything. And that’s what you need to find.

It’s going to suck for a while, but just think about the excitement you get to feel every morning when you wake up, look in the mirror and think to yourself, “today could be the day I meet the love of my life.” Because let’s face it, this isn’t it. You know it, I know it, and now anybody else reading this knows it.


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